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User talk:FluffyBunny89
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Slicer McDicer page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 05:10, June 2, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:16, June 2, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:20, June 2, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story There are a lot of issues here and it's late so forgive me if I don't fully cover everything. The story was deleted because it was below quality standards for the site. Besides the numerous punctuation, spelling, wording, and capitalization errors, there were also a lot of plot issues. Before that, let's focus on the minor issues that have no impact on a story's deletion but are still important. Remember to space properly after punctuation. ("I had dark,shaggy brown hair") The first story also had coding issues. Remember to use source mode as lines like this: " My story isn't too interesting, not like the ones I've heard here on creepypasta wki. My story is just another spooky suicide story, with a few subtle scary points here and there. Just let me tell you. " can render a story unreadable. Onto your latest copy and the errors present there: Punctuation: Apostrophes missing from contractions/possessive words. " Thats (that's) when I heard it.", "That(')s when he stabbed me directly in the center of my head", "My grandmother(')s scream". You also misuse apostrophes. “You really we’re (were) a pain in the neck,”. Capitalization: You improperly capitalize words after dialogue. "“Why’d ya’ kill her ya’ bastard?” One (one) of the cops scoffed.", "you just killed ya’ mom,” The (the)", "“You really we’re a pain in the neck,” The (the)", "“And it really was KNIFE to meet you,” The (the)", etc. If the sentence continues after the dialogue it shouldn't be capitalized unless it's a proper noun. Spelling: There are a lot of spelling issues here. "I've heard here on creepypasta wki", "we al (sic) called dibs on the rooms we wanted.", " My parents and grandparents toke the rooms upstairs.", "My mouth was covered wit (sic) tape", "you could still hear ny (sic) muffled sobbing,", "The car toke off", etc. Seriously, there's like a dozen other instances of misspelling here. You need to proof-read your next story. Wording: You also have homophone issues. "I snuck to an all-day gas station that wasn’t to (too) far away" as well as awkward wording: "He originally started as a spooky story to tell your friends, but then it started to growing (grow)", " He had dark, white skin, that looked to have small, dried blood splits (spots?) on his face", "My head was bleeding, a steady stream, striding (sliding?) straight between my eyes", etc. I suggest reading your next story aloud to catch these issues as they really bring the story flow to a grinding halt with every flub and incorrect word usage. Story issues: "My story is just another spooky suicide story" It seems like you forgot how the protagonist died, as he's clearly stabbed to death at the end of your story. There's no mention of his death being made to look like a suicide either, so maybe you forgot to add that plot point. Plot holes like this really detract from your story. "The evidence was enough to kill (convict) me now." The dialogue needs a lot of work here. "“Hey, bud, it’s okay, you just killed ya’ mom,” The second police man remarked." Who exactly makes light of a situation where a person has killed their mother? It feels cartoonish and out of place. “And it really was KNIFE to meet you” seems like it was ripped right off of BooTube. If you did more with the puns, they could be worked into the story, but there's only one or two here so it just feels added on and really doesn't reflect on the character. Story issues cont.: "I rushed into the bathroom, and bent over the toilet. I felt a warm liquid, pour out of my mouth. I looked to see what it was, and it turned out to be blood. I was freaked out by this, but decided I would tell my parents in the morning." Who exactly vomits up blood and is like "nah, I'll tell my parents later. No biggie."? That's a serious health issue. It comes off as ridiculous that he'd ignore such a serious problem and just sleep it off. It also seems odd that the mother would brush it off and ignore him. How often does the protagonist fake serious injuries/illnesses to warrant that response? We have cops mocking children, kids ignoring serious health issues, and parents not responding to health concerns. Story issues end: A lot of the description feels incorrect. "I felt all my intestines get sliced up, and stressed". Then there's the character description. "He wore black jeans, and dark grey boots. The man had two blades coming out of his elbows, and reaching beyond the tips of his fingers." Why exactly is he noticing the clothes he's wearing before the massive blades jutting out of his elbows? Feels like the protagonist would focus on the more unique aspects before addressing his attire. How exactly does it feel stressed? Finally, this feels like an OC introduction story and is pretty cliche. The protagonist dreams about CPC, CPC visits him in real world, CPC kills protagonist. It's a pretty cookie-cutter story that really falls below our quality standards. I'd suggest spending more time on your next story as this one has way too many issues and flaws. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:13, June 2, 2016 (UTC)